ytd was a very special night.. he suddenly called me and flare up with me for bringing guys up my place.. i was like wth?! how come so random.. and honestly, i did no wrong since we're no longer tgt and he's the one that got a gf first.. so i met up with rena and him.. kept quiet throughout til when we were at mac i ask him to eat cos he mention that he didnt eat at all.. sigh~ i so wanna refrain myself from looking back.. but i guess it's reali hard.. alot of things we manage to talk about regarding our r/s.. alot i wont mention here cos i dun wan anyone to get hurt.. so i'm keeping them to myselves and him.. oh well.. i thought he've been having a happy times nowadays that i'm gone.. he said the only thing is when he was with me he's suffering alot.. he dun mind staying home be my gd boy.. just that the quarrels we had were too =\.. chatted for very long and about lots of things.. i looked at him with lots of thots running thru my mind while he didnt realise.. i kept thinking.. how would things have been if we didnt quarrel at all.. if only i came to realise things earlier.. if only he could teng me slightly more and gave me more attention.. i kept asking myself would i wan him back.. of cos i would! i dun lie to myself.. but i kept reminding myself to hold on and think carefully.. cos i noe i cannot afford to have my heart broken once again.. i too feel for her.. in fact.. i pity her.. i dun wanna say much more.. we talked quite abit bout their r/s.. i kept wondering how he can so fast move onto another r/s.. feeling lonely? wanted to make me forget him? he mention his feelings never once faded.. i guess i noe wat he meant ba.. it's just the at that point of time u felt u wanna be alone and run away.. it's more of the sian feeling ba.. i asked him have he ever thot of saving our r/s ever since our break up.. he said yes.. but how come i dun even see a single action? and he even got attach and say he wan to save this r/s? i was quite pissed and i told him pls cherish and respect ur gf.. indeed i hated her but now i got no rights to hate her and i feel for her as a girl.. we're not tools.. i reali tink he needs to learn how to love and respect a girl properly.. of cos after being tgt for 2 months and now i tink back.. he did alot of improvements.. he knows how to care for me when i was sick althou stil not as much but it's effort still.. at least he knows that i'm unhappy and he'll try not to do certain things.. he tried to teng me sayang me more when in the beginning i mention to him "can u teng me more!?" i was very very thankful he once put in so much for me.. it's not about the "i love u" or watever sweet things he've done.. it's all about the sincerity and the effort he made that makes me fall for him so deeply.. he earned this love.. but he too let it go just liddat.. after the talkings ytd.. i felt he've grown.. perhaps he stil doesnt noe how to handle his own stress and make himself happy ba.. i keep telling him talk to whoever he feel comfortable.. dun carry the load alone.. we're all here for him.. i can tell there's alot running in his mind.. he's not the tak i used to be with anymore.. he's filled with sadness and worries.. and it breaks my heart alot.. the moment i decided to let him fly, was because i thot he was happy.. i thot he got wat he needed which i cant give.. but i guess i was wrong.. i'm glad he talked to me abit bout his problems regarding his job and family.. indeed i couldnt help him at all.. but at least i gave him a hug and sayang his head i hope he'll feel better.. he mention that each time we broke up, there'll always bound to have problem with his job/life.. haha! wat?! i'm a curse?! roar! and we talked bout him goin to turn himself in.. i felt happy.. it's not i wanna see him go in.. it's not i wanna lose him.. but it's reali for his own good.. i wan him to one day be able to guang ming zheng da face the world.. i dun wan him to forever be running away.. i wan him to reali be a man and face it.. when we were tgt, my thots were we could travel tgt, we could do alot of thing tgt.. but even if it's now.. at least even i'm no longer beside him, i also wish he could face things bravely.. i'll walk with him if he wants me to.. anyways.. am glad we had a gd long chat.. (:

dun let her down (:

was actually watching the yu le bai fen bai relaxing on my bed.. wanting to get a good rest.. and it so happen this girl sang this song which brought tears to my eyes once again =\ i noe i promise i wont cry anymore but this song is exactly how i felt.. pls read the lyrics properly.. each time i broke up, i always felt this way.. i just wish they'll tink of me once in a while.. our memories.. everything.. here it goes :)

Christine Da'ae - Think of Me Lyrics

Think of me, think of me fondly,
when we've said goodbye.
Remember me once in a while -
please promise me you'll try.
When you find that, once again, you long
to take your heart back and be free -
if you ever find a moment,
spare a thought for me

We never said our love was evergreen,
or as unchanging as the sea -
but if you can still remember
stop and think of me . . .

Think of all the things
we've shared and seen -
don't think about the things
which might have been . . .

Think of me, think of me waking,
silent and resigned.
Imagine me, trying too hard
to put you from my mind.
Recall those days
look back on all those times,
think of the things we'll never do -
there will never be a day,
when I won't think of you . . .

RAOUL:
Can it be? Can it be Christine?
Bravo!
Long ago, it seems so long ago
How young and innocent we were...
She may not remember me,
but I remember her...

CHRISTINE:
Flowers fades,
The fruits of summer fade,
They have their seasons, so do we
but please promise me, that sometimes
you will think of me!

i wont ask for much..
just tink of me at times..

had a reali enjoyable weekend.. firstly was mount faber trip with rion.. it was a beautiful experience there~ the ambience the drinks.. woots~ thou had a bad news that day regarding him n her but oh well it's the past :) from that moment on i told myself.. i need to move on.. after having few glasses of drinks me n rion rested in car to let his "high-ness" go down a little haha~ while listening to songs, Elva's 吻 was played and i cried =\ thanks to this sentence.. "你身边是否还是那个她 取代我在你醒来吻你吗" =\ sigh~ now my place has been taken over by her.. but honestly i'm happy to hear that he's very happy being with them now.. seeing the pics of them being so sweet, i truly wish them all the best and hope she can love him the way he needed ba :) it's painful but ya i'm moving on :) after rion awakes from his high-ness he sent me home and acc me thru the nite :) it's very sweet of him cos i've been having terrible insomnia thou even with him ard i stil cant slp =\ but still i'm thankful for the hugs :) very very warmth~

next was msia trip with rena, deanmy, stephen and orange.. haha~ it was my first time clubbing in msia and seriously it was POWER~! xD i went in earlier with deanmy and one of his fren.. went to walk ard and deanmy got his twilight series! roar! i wan them too :( after awhile his fren left and both us head to eat at stone grill!! heavenly! omg~ and it's his treat! hehehe~ =x didnt reali have enuff slp so we headed straight to book hotel before meeting rena they all later in the nite.. i needed a place to rest la X( so we cab over from city square to naza hotel.. lol~ first time took cab in msia.. so fun xD and the uncle went on a different route and deanmy was like "walao be careful hor~" LOL~ so cute~ when reach hotel we both checked into room 705 and when i see the bed i'm like OMGGGGGGG i wanna slp! LOL =x deanmy read his twilight series while i was napping and my phone rings like nobody's business x.x at first was watching tv and he off it! roar! he say "slp la stil watch! later u faint thn u noe" lol~ so i napped a little while and at that point of time i felt safe :) something was goin thru my mind but i'm not gonna mention it here hehe =p anyways at bout 12am rena they al reached so i prepared and me n deanmy took cab to meet them at the zon.. walao ehh damn happening man! it's like whole stretch of clubs n pubs~ omfg paradise! xD thanks to deanmy who's almost a regular there he brought us to this club call revenue and so qiao so many of his frens there lol~ it's a very very nice place and ok i was drunk LOL =x the glass they gave was so small that we couldnt estimate the amount of alcohol at all x.x and stupid stephen got me a pure neat and i didnt noe i go n tah~ wakao! terrible x.x and amazingly, i couldnt remember wat happen next =\ i onli remember we were back at hotel n me n rena was stuck in toilet camwhoring for veryyyyy long lol~ the guys disturb say that we're ahem-ing inside hahahaha! and stephen mentioned that i slept halfway, woke up and chat with deanmy.. i was like WTF?! i dunno anything! couldnt recall at all! omg~ and i guess i said something wrong =\ asked deanmy but he refuses to say (as always).. roar~ and i dunno how the hell i went back to slp and next thing i noe is it's 8plus in the morning and we have to head back sg le lol~ deanmy's face were black like bao qing tian =\ hopefully it's not regarding wat i said that nite cos i seriously dunno wat i said! omg x.x we had a hard time waking rena up thou LOL~ damn cute she woke up, and jump on the bed again and cover the blanket and lai chuang LOL~ damn cute~ when she finally wakes up we head back to sg and it was raining x.x was super tired and stil feeling high.. it's like when i walk i feel like i'm flying LOL~ thn we head to my house here de coffee shop for slight breakfast and rena came to my place while stephen send the guys home :)

chatted for very long with rena at my place and it feels good to talk to her :) in the noon, we head over to her place for a swim and sauna! haha~ swimming was so cold that i dun wanna move x.x and sauna was hot to the extend that i wanna run out of the place roar! but seriously it was damn shiok~ very relaxing but the only thing is i'm feeling cooked x.x lol~ after that head out to movie with stephen at cine and we caught "the haunting of connecticut" wah nice man! i cant even eat or drink properly thanks to the scary parts =.= rena screamed! hahaha! =x damn funny~ but the show rocks.. very scary and nice and yet touching a little big :) after that we head to mac at liang court for stephen's supper and head home.. on the way home rena KO to the extent whereby her phone rings and she didnt even noe.. lol~ and after we dropped her, on the way to my home, i told stephen i wont slp dun worry i'll pei u.. end up!! hhahahaha i KO =x so paisei bout that thou hehe~ when reach home dunno how the hell i got the energy to login audi somemore lol! saw andy and ennie online so play 1 game with them and went to their rm to talk cock.. andy keep saying we bo jio so i was like u were sms-ing with rena! lol~ he say he regretted not goin hahaha~ lala~ it's a nice show la~ and i jio him for wed clubbing in JB which he say see how la =.= ok anyway i'm gonna jio for this outing..

Where: Malaysia JB The Zon
When: 15 July 09 Wednesday
Why: IT' MY BIRTHDAY!!

so ppl! come down if possible ok!!! contact me!

This is specially for all the guys out there who doesnt noe how to understand a woman or treat a woman well.. this is just too true to wat a woman truly wants and needs and why we behave the way we behave.. please read with true sincerity if u reali wan to know how to love a woman properly..


1、当你爱着一个女孩子，一定要记得经常对她说：我爱你

。不管已经说过多少次，不管是她第几百次问你“你爱我吗？”当她对你说“我爱你”，你都要很真诚地说：我也爱你，不是用其他话或者觉得多余。

2、如果你不爱她了，放了她。不要白白享受着她的照顾和温柔，然后漫不经心地寻找着别的女孩，在找到之后才说我们分手吧，又或者干脆脚踏两只船。

3、在你的朋友和她的朋友面前不要总一摆出一副大男人呼来唤去的样子。女人愿意照顾你，满足你大男人对“三从四德”的喜好，是因为她爱你她宠你，但并不表示她愿意被当做佣人和附庸。

4、你答应她的事情再小也要做到。女人都希望有个坚强的肩膀依赖，想告诉你她的一切，但是你如果连小事情都做不好，她怎么去依赖你？当她说一些你不认可的事情也不要去指责或者冷漠，这样她怎么去信任你把心里话都告诉你？

5、不要总在你们相处的时候打游戏或者上电脑。当你不亦乐乎的时候，她也许已经觉得很被冷落，而你却只注意着你的电脑。

6、女人总有几天是经期，那时候是不能用理智控制的。不管她怎么歇斯底里、不讲道理、喜怒无常，你都要哄着她包容她。绝不要表现出不快和不耐烦。

7、不要总向往地说想三妻四妾，说古代男人真幸福呀，说想三人行。她把你当作她的唯一，也希望你把她当作唯一。常这样说的你，她能放心让你出门去会姐姐妹妹、狐朋狗友吗？不要总当着她夸奖红颜知己，不要对别的女人*对她还关心。女人是敏感的动物，她并不是不信任你，她只是对你太在乎，希望你也可以一样。

8、不要总当着她的面盯着别的女人，不要总去赞叹别人的美丽。或者说你为什么不能如何如何。女人希望你爱的就是她现在的样子，希望自己是你心中最美最性感最重要最爱的人。

9、女人不管再贤惠有母性，但骨子里都是一个孩子。不要总希望她多么为你着想，多么会体贴你的感受，多么以你为中心。她也希望可以象孩子一样任性，希望有个人像宠孩子一样宠她爱她，照顾她关心她，而不只是像孩子一样向她索取关爱和宽容。

10、做错了事情、伤害了她要承认，并且以行动向她陪不是。偶尔放下所谓男人的面子，却能温暖她受伤的心。不要说了要改下次还是犯，她可以原谅你偶尔的错误，但是不能容忍一错再错。

11、在她脆弱的时候、心情不好的时候呵护她，在她慌乱无助的时候支持她指引他。爱健康自信的她，也爱疾病无助的她，而不是只要求她把最好的一面给你。没有人是完美的，分享她的缺点，包容她，而不只是指责，更不要在她最需要你的时候默不关心。做她英雄、她的王子、她的骑士。

12、绝不要背叛。不要想“家里红旗不倒，外面彩旗飘飘”，别把女人当作衣服。

13、给她真正的安全感，不一定是婚姻。而是：无论贫穷还是富有，健康还是疾病，相爱相依，不离不弃，直到死亡把我们分开。

if only..
sigh :(

dun reali wanna blog this time as this marks the end of our r/s :( i know we've just patch back not long ago but on the 7th, baby left me again :( things were different.. thou we were very sweet n happ yon our first day of patch but days after that, i guess baby no longer loves me.. this break up was due to baby's feeling faded.. sigh~ something i never wanted it to happen.. i did not hold him back too cos i noe he wants his freedom back.. i granted him his wish and let go.. sigh~ i miss him so.. this 2 days i've been a living dead.. waking up to emptiness, keeping myself drunk in tears.. crying to slp and waking up crying.. seriously.. it's hell i'm goin through :( i know i have to be strong and overcome this.. i have to let him go totally.. but it's reali hard.. i felt there were so much we've not done tgt.. there's stil so much i wanna achieve with him.. i wants to walk his life with him goin through every single thing be it happy or sad.. sigh~ without me by his side, i worries for him lots.. how is he doin? did he eat well, slp well? is he safe? is he happy? sigh~ packed my room this noon and seeing all the stitchy he got for me reali is heart wrenching :( looking at everyone single one of them reminds me of the moment he gave them to me.. especially the biggest one when he caught for me at his bday chalet.. i was soundly aslp and he just stuff it in my arms.. with a kiss from him and stroke on my head he left for bowling.. i was such a happy girl.. but it's all gone now :( i dunno wat am i waiting for.. stayin at home hoping one of the keys sound were from him.. waiting for him to return to me one day where we could start all over again.. but i know the moment i agreed to the break up, i've lost him forever.. sigh~ my heart reali sours knowing he's no longer by my side.. my heart reali sours knowing i could never call him baby anymore :( tinking back on all the quarrels we had.. it was reali dumb :( i should have seen the picture clearer earlier.. things might be different now.. troy has shifted back home due to some issues as well.. now this room is only filled with memories of us playing fight.. the laughters and screams that fills this room will be gone.. now back to this empty room i'm all alone again.. i wish to see him.. badly.. i wish to hug him badly.. i wish him by my side again badly.. but i guess i have to hold myself back.. memories are wat's left.. i'll cherish them.. it's our 2nd month anni this sat.. thot we could have a good day tgt.. but i guess it's a never :( i'm not gonna celebrate my bday as well.. it's a sad birthday month.. hais~ i miss him so..

if only you'll be back..
i'll be ur gd girl n never make u angry again..

on 4th july.. it was one of my happiest day recently.. finally baby's back into my life and finally things were a little better.. when im home after work, we had a little talk cos i pop the question "are we tgt or?" initially his reply were not tgt.. of cos i cried.. and try to go to slp.. guess he couldnt stand me crying thus he ask for wat thing am i crying now.. i said he already dun wan me thn expect me to be happy? and we had a little tiff over things that happened.. somehow we patched back :) when things turn out fine, i thot i could finally have a good slp by his side hugging him.. and end up lol~ we went to chalet xD with the E-NeT ppl, we opened a super last min chalet at downtown for 1 nite.. i was very very happy this 2 days at the chalet.. i finally felt i'm attached.. that kind of feeling whereby we're doin something tgt and not keep staring at computers =\ he held my hand and hugged me.. we play fight at chalet and hugged to slp.. all these.. are wat i all along yearned for.. they're back to me and with additional love from him.. goin to the theme park was so fun.. thou lots of machines werent working but it's the company that matters.. baby caught 2 bear for me.. a stitchy and a normal bear.. it was reali a memorable day for me.. i've always wanted a outing with baby.. a normal outing not those back to lan shops and rot kinda outing.. finally being tgt for nearly 2 month we did that :) this patch back meant alot to me i'm so gonna work harder to be a good gf for him.. hopefully things wil turn out fine ba.. i'm learning :) one thing i'm feeling now is there's stil a gap between me n baby.. but i believe time will pull this gap closer ba.. afterall we just had a big fight sure got gap de ba.. ont thing i have to mention here is regarding that bytch.. ok i noe it's no gd to mention her anymore but all i can say is i'm gonna let nature takes its course.. i've been tinking seriously i shouldnt get so worked up over this kinda issues.. i will leave things to nature.. honestly if baby's heart is not with me, any girl that comes along would made him leave me no matter how hard i try to keep him.. i hereby believes that baby loves me and will stay faithful to me.. am not gonna trust anything unless i see it for myself.. but still i dun like her =x lala~ this fact cant be change rite :( oh well.. lets hope things will turn out fine ba :) dun wanna let this r/s go to waste over nonsensical things.. ilu <3

had some reflection and came to realise alot of things.. perhaps in the beginning i shouldn't even have tried to change anything of him.. not letting him meet his frens not letting him doin alot of stuffs which he usually does.. but of cos most of the things i wish he change is for his own good as well.. but i guess i've push him too hard.. things have come to wat it's like today, i play a big role in it too.. in a r/s there's no such thing as one sided's fault ba.. i was thinking wat if in this r/s, i just let him have his own freedom and dun voice out my unhappiness.. i just let him have things his way.. i guess things would have ended up like this as well ba.. it's hard to balance =\ learning how to give n take equally is hard ): rena mention one thing that reali makes sense.. if someone loves u, he/she will automatically change for u without u requesting.. this is natural.. and i truly believe in it.. perhaps we both were too firm on our own stand ba.. alot of misunderstanding were caused and thus creating alot of quarrels. communications through sms or msn kinda sucks as words can be misunderstood.. sigh~ i no longer noe wat to do now.. feeling kinda empty and lost rite now and was having terrible sleep lost =\ waking up every few minutes to see if he did reply.. waking up to see if it's him who came home.. waking up to emptiness knowing that i've lost him.. rena mention that losing this r/s is kinda waste as she felt that it's all misunderstanding and we're both too chong dong.. hmm i guess we both have too high ego and pride ba.. it just seem that we cannot let our ego down and try communicating properly.. i admit i'm very hot tempered too and i tend to be very chong dong saying things i dun mean as well.. it's reali kinda pity.. but oh well.. it takes two hands to clap ba.. if he chose to let go, there's basically nothing i can do as well.. guess we're both tired and drained.. i've pressured him too much and he's been trying to run away from the pressure too.. it's time to rest..

truly..
i miss u..